What do you say to someone who only thinks of hurting you? Who’s fantasy is to hurt you?
How do you deal with that? How do you deal with knowing that something worse than what happened before was coming? How do you feel safe knowing that that’s what’s waiting around the corner for you when you’re not paying attention?
How do you not throw up when you see him from behind? How do you not run, even when you’re surrounded by friends? How do you deal with always being on edge?
How do you not hate yourself? How do you not beat yourself up for letting in a monster? How do you not feel guilty for making a series of bad decisions that just kept getting worse the lonelier and more depressed you became?
How do you stop comparing situations? How do you not run away to New York forever?
as we grow older, we are taught to put homework first, always. we are taught to set aside our interests to complete busy work. we are taught to indulge in time fillers, rather than doing what we really want. and so then, once in a blue moon, when we happen to have a day of no work, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. we forget what it means to be spontaneous; we learn to sit at a desk and focus. and I think that’s a shame